Really? I hope people don’t buy this
Shout outs to Cooper B. for sending this to me. Lookadis.
“For over one hundred years, we’ve been scrunching and folding toilet paper. Finally there’s a better way!”
Really. I personally use bark and thistle bushes when I do my business and it’s pretty darn inconvenient. Please, tell me more.
“Comfort Wipe! The sanitary paper extension arm and holder!”
I like how you speak. It is pleasing to my ears, as I speak in your style frequently. When I go to the cafeteria for lunch I ask for fried poultry embryos mixed with in vegetation. Couldn’t you just call it a butt-wiper?
“Think about it. Toilet paper is really archaic and disgusting. The Comfort Wipe is a modern solution”
You know what else is really archaic and disgusting? Eating. I mean, sheesh, manual breaking down of food particles with your teeth? Those outdated hunks of calcium? Screw that! I want my meals liquefied. Sorry. I mean liquified. Yum.
I’m sorry. I just can’t buy it. The whole “using your hands to wipe your butt is insanitary” makes no sense if you just wash your hands. It isn’t a problem now, nor has it ever been a problem. No. A thousand times, no. This ad demonstrates a very simple point about the world we live in: our material needs are taken care of so well that salesmen are getting desperate. Now to make a quick buck we’re actually stooping so low as to imply that you need a butt wiper. And not only will we sell things you don’t need, but we’ll sell them by any means necessary. Call you up on your phone when you come home from work? Yes. Embed them into your TV shows and movies? Yes. Illegally put fliers up around town against zoning restrictions? Yes. Convince you that you’ll answer life questions and get an identity with the product? Yep. Even advertise to toddlers, who can’t even tell the difference between TV and advertising? Yep. There’s neither a method too low nor a product too unnecessary for advertisers to try to manipulate the way you think.
